Women want to be happy, but this can be elusive. Focusing on health and wellness is important. In addition, I have observed several things that happy women have in common. Knowing what these are can help to make it obtainable.

Financial security

Most people think that if they had a ton of money they would be happy. Studies have found that the difference in happiness between those who make $5000 a year and $50,000 a year is huge. However there is no major difference in the level of happiness between those who make $50,000 a year and those who make $50 million dollars a year.

I have watched many women struggle over the last several years and those who have been able to use their creativity, ingenuity and imagination to find a way to improve their income have been the happiest and most successful. Having a sense of control over their destiny by finding a way out of their financial difficulties and designing their own jobs in some cases helped them to be happy.

Relationships

Feeling connected is another common feature of happiness. It is interesting that when parents are asked what gives them the greatest joy in their lives they usually say it is their children. However, when you ask them about day-to-day issues, their kids actually cause them a fair amount of grief (especially during adolescence). It is that close relationship, that special bond with our children and significant others that is important with all of the ups and downs. Being able to see that connection (even on tough days) helps to promote happiness.

Community

Having a sense of community is key. Women who have a group of friends and/or are involved with their community are generally happier than those who do not. Getting involved is easy even if you are not an extrovert. Volunteer at a food bank; join a house of worship or consider working for a political campaign group.

Give Back

When people give to others they are able to improve their health and wellbeing. They live longer too. When they are busy helping others they tend to forget their aches and pains AND it makes them happy. If you have not done it, try it in just small ways. Smile at a stranger, see where help is needed in your community, or donate money to your favorite charity. It is amazing what can happen.

Abolish Resentment and Anger

I heard a great quote from St. Augustine, “ Harboring anger and resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Anger can be productive in that it causes discomfort and helps us to change our circumstances. However when we hold on to it and it builds into resentment it only hurts us further. Happy people find a way to resolve situations when they find themselves getting upset and angry. If you find yourself holding on to anger it is time to get help. Exercise, learn to meditate, or consider seeing a therapist.

The Bottom Line

Happiness is something that we all want. We can have it by harnessing our creativity, nurturing relationships, and finding ways to give back to our community. To quote Aristotle, “ Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

I have a patient who moved away and recently decided to see me for a holistic health visit.  She is a woman in her early 70’s who had spent a good part of her adult life dealing with fibromyalgia.  For the many years that I cared for her, I tried to impress on her the importance of a healthy, Mediterranean-style diet.  It did not click with her until she moved away.

When I saw her, I was amazed.  Not only had she lost 10 pounds, she looked amazing.   She had a healthy glow, and there was no vestige of pain.  Her fibromyalgia went away ;with the refined carbohydrates she kicked out the door.  She is truly well.  She adopted a Mediterranean diet and is loving life.

We have known for a very long time that the Mediterranean style diet rich in lean protein, fruits, vegetables, whole grains and olive oil, reduces our risk of heart disease, diabetes, depression, stroke, dementia and even Parkinson’s disease.  The question is, why?  Granted, the food is chock full of the good stuff, and is devoid of refined sugars. That is part of the story.  What we are finding is that it all comes down to the fact that the diet keeps the tiny, healthy bacteria in our gut happy. A happy gut makes for a lean, healthy person.

Our gut hosts trillions of microorganisms that help boost our immunity and make certain vitamins.  If we keep these bacteria alive and healthy we are healthy. More and more evidence is being uncovered that is connecting a variety of conditions with sick gut bacteria. These include anxiety, behavior and mood disorders, allergy and asthma, obesity, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and irritable bowel to name just a few.

A healthy gut is seen with those who keep to the Mediterranean diet, eat fermented foods, avoid antibiotics whenever possible, and avoid processed foods and refined sugars.  A recent study done on college students at the College of William and Mary found that those students who scored high on a test looking at neuroticism did not manifest it if they were eating a diet rich in fermented foods.

There was a case report of a thin patient who was given a fecal transplant from a heavy patient and she started gaining weight and was unable to lose it. An animal study done on rats found that when a fat rat was given a fecal transplant from a skinny rat that it too became thin but also became anxious.

There is growing evidence to support the idea that gut health is essential for overall physical and mental health. The expression “you are what you eat” is proving to be true. It is never too late to change your eating and eating pattern to become a leaner, healthier you.  There are some great Mediterranean style cookbooks out there. Buy one and get started now.

I would estimate that one out of every 4 women I see complains of having too much gas. Over the last 5 years I have had 2 men bring up gas issues, and they only did it because their wives told them it was a problem. I find this an amusing phenomenon. Most women are embarrassed by flatulence or farting, where men are proud of the gas they pass.

I have some family members (you know who you are!) who deny that they have ever farted. Of course, that is a physiologic impossibility. If we did not pass gas we would ultimately explode. Which brings me to the question, why do we pass gas?

Two thirds of the gas in our gut comes from swallowed air. Every time we swallow we also ingest 2-3 cc’s of air. When we eat an apple we gulp down 20 cc’s of air. Drinking 10 cc’s of water adds 17cc’s of air to the belly.

The rest of the gas comes from bacteria that swallow cells that are dying and being replaced in the large intestine. They also help digest starches and fiber that makes its way to the colon. These substances are broken down into chemicals that smell and can help protect us from cancer and provide energy to the colon cells for metabolism. These bacteria make up most of the solid part of our stool.

The particular odor and volume of gas depends on what we eat and how much air we swallow. The major smell makers are sulphur containing compounds and methane. The average numbers of farts range from 7-17 a day. If we eat a lot of fiber it could be as high as 30 a day. Gum chewing, sugar substitutes, fruit juices, carbonated beverages, and ill fitting dentures can all increase the amount of gas we pass.

There has been research (believe it or not) on a small number of subjects that looked at men and women to see who had the higher volume and worse smelling flatulence. It looks like women have stinkier gas but a smaller volume. Men had a higher volume so, that in the end (pardon the pun) it was a wash. If you want to decrease the amount of gas in your system this is what you can do:
• If you smoke, quit or cut down.
• If you wear dentures, see your dentist and make sure your dentures fit correctly.
• Don’t chew gum or suck on hard candies.
• Avoid carbonated drinks, such as soda and beer.
• Drink less fruit juice, especially apple juice and pear juice.
• Avoid or eat less of the foods that cause you to have gas.
• Eat more slowly
• Beano and GasX may also be helpful
If you are one of those women who are having problems with gas, you might want to see your doctor to make sure you do not have an underlying problem. If you have a healthy gut then you might want to man up and embrace your bodily functions. You do not need to light them on fire (like some men do), butt realize this, you are not alone because everybody farts!

I am an Integrative Medicine physician. I see each patient as a unique individual, and I come up with a plan to help him or her to heal.  In order to tailor a plan to each patient, I utilize both complimentary (herbs, acupuncture, energy medicine, etc.) and conventional medicine. Unfortunately, some patients come to me thinking that I am only going to use a natural approach to their care.  However, there are certain illnesses that do not respond to herbal remedies and lifestyle changes alone. Cancer is a good example.

We have made amazing strides with chemotherapeutic agents and early diagnostic techniques such as colonoscopy and mammography. A recent study found that for men and women between the ages of 50 to 64 diagnosed with cancer, the risk of dying within 5 years was 39 to 68 percent lower than for people the same age diagnosed between 1990 and 1994.  Hodgkin’s Disease is almost always curable these days thanks to the chemotherapeutic regimen designed by Dr. Vince DeVita. Breast cancer is no longer a deadly disease, and there are many more cancers that are now survivable due to effective medical treatments. There are alternative approaches that do not cure cancer on their own but can augment therapy. Diet, exercise, acupuncture and certain supplements such as medicinal mushrooms and melatonin can be extremely helpful.

I am writing about this now, because I have had several patients recently who I have diagnosed with a variety of cancers, which have been potentially treatable.  Some suspected cancers I tried to diagnose early, but the patients refused due to the expense of testing.  Unfortunately, a late diagnosis has resulted in cancers that can now only be contained for a short while. They were potentially curable early on.  Others are dying of diseases that they could have easily survived with proper treatment.

I am not sure if I am seeing a trend, or if this is an unusual set of people who have such a strong distrust of the conventional medical complex that they are allowing fear and suspicion to cloud logic.  I understand that money can be an issue, but what good does it do to save money by not doing testing when the risk is not being around to spend it anyway?

People should definitely be allowed to choose what treatments and type of testing they do or do not want. Autonomy as a patient is very important. However, I see an increasing level of cynicism and suspicion in patients who look at the medical field and feel as though they are not getting the whole story.

My patients who are refusing treatment point to others that they watched being tortured with radiation and chemotherapy many years ago.  They also quote discussion sites on the Internet where people claim to be cured by all kinds of odd remedies.  I have tried to explain that although treatment is not exactly a walk in the park, there are now many ways that patients can be helped so that it is not as painful or disabling.

I am hoping that those of us in the medical field can do a better job to allay the fears of patients who are refusing treatment, and I am hopeful that no one should have to delay essential diagnostic testing due to financial concerns as insurance issues are worked out in the future.  I also suggest that patients read information from trusted medical sources such as Johns Hopkins, Mayo Clinic and Harvard, and that they have a little more faith in the health professionals in their community.

I suggest that they search out second opinions, talk to former patients, and do whatever it takes to feel comfortable with their care. A holistic approach to healing is great, but it should be based on good information. It is hard for me to watch people refuse care and die of treatable diseases.  On the other hand, it is something that has helped me to understand that patients will choose their own road to follow, and as hard as it is, I must respect that.

As I was getting ready to walk my dog Lucy, it dawned on me that I have never been healthier. I owe some of the credit for this to her. Lucy is part basset hound and German shepherd. She is one of the funniest looking dogs on the planet. She has front legs that are shorter than her back legs and she doesn’t walk; she hops. Everyone who sees her starts smiling and laughing almost immediately.

She urinates on my husband’s pillow when she gets angry with him (because he is the disciplinarian) , and one time she got so angry that she moved half his clothes out onto the deck through an open window. But, she is loving, always happy to see us, and she makes us laugh when we are sad. She puts her funny looking head in my lap whenever I am upset and I feel better. She also has a negative trait that has worked in my favor; she is incredibly demanding. I call her the entitlement princess, because she harasses me to take her on at least three walks a day. I have concluded that Lucy is good for my health.

Research confirms my conclusion. Studies have found that those who own a pet have lower blood pressure and less anxiety than non-pet owners. Dogs and cats improve feelings of loneliness and isolation. Pets decrease the chance that children will develop allergies and asthma, and they are a great way for people to get out and mingle. Alzheimer’s patients with pets are less likely to have anxious outbursts. Heart attack patients with pets live longer than those without pets.

If you are looking for a miracle treatment that will get you exercising, lower your blood pressure, calm your nerves and increase long-term survival you can find it at your local humane society. My miracle therapy is named Lucy.  Check out the Humane Society and find yours!

As of last Friday, my dad has been gone for 7 years.  Here are my thoughts:

As a baby boomer, I have joined the ranks of many of my brethren and can say I am part of the “sandwich” generation. I have children who are young adults and still needing support so they can eventually become independent. I had a parent that needed my help to fly and leave his nest as well.

On June 19, 2008 I lost my father. I would say that he died, but he wouldn’t let us use that term. He preferred that we say he “transitioned”. My father was an amazing man. He lived life with integrity and purpose. He was 84 years old and his mind was as sharp as ever. He had renal failure and had been on dialysis. His body was getting weaker and weaker and he finally decided to stop the dialysis. This allowed him to “transition” on his own terms. Once again his strength and dignity prevailed.

Having now gone through the experience of losing a parent and being there for the transition, it has caused me to look at how we see and experience death in our culture. I realize that each person needs to be allowed (whenever possible) to die on his or her own terms.

My father had expressed his wishes to my family and me well in advance and we were able to discuss them with him and understand what he wanted. He also put these wishes into a legal document known as a living will. In his, he put me in charge. At the time, I didn’t realize how important that was. But, when the time came, I had to act.

I felt like Shirley MacLaine in the movie “Terms of Endearment” when she was fighting for pain medications for her daughter who was dying. I had to scream for morphine for my father when his lungs started to fill up with fluid. Fortunately, after quite a bit of drama, he was able to get what he needed and I honored the promise that I made to him. His transition was peaceful and I am happy that he got what he wanted. In the wake of all this is a massive amount of grief, which is a natural part of life.

It happened several years ago, but the memory is still fresh. I share this story so that it will allow you to pause and think about whether you have a living will. Have you discussed the issues of death and dying with your loved ones? Although many of us live as if we will never die, that is one of those things that is inevitable for all of us.

Although death is never easy, knowing what my dad wanted and knowing that we were able to provide it both with the living will and details of his funeral that he planned ahead of time, made things better somehow.Death is a natural part of the cycle of life. It is okay to talk about it and to address it when it is staring you in the face. But, it is also important to say all the wonderful things you want to say and understand the wants and needs of others before an emergency situation develops.

Hug your children, your parents, your brothers and sisters and your friends. Tell them you love them as often as you can. That is what my father taught me. I am glad I was able to tell him that many times before his grand transition!

We are living in tumultuous times. We have so many things that tend to pop up and cause worry. Finances, health, emotional and family problems are all common issues. Many people start to get a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. This impacts their health causing pain, disease, fatigue and depression. I care for many patients where this is the case.

In trying to help them, I have found something that works. That thing is becoming a helper. It costs no money and it improves their health by boosting the immune system and improving brain function. Doing something for others is the key to feeling better.

Studies have found that those who give of themselves experience joy and happiness. It can be something as simple as volunteering for the SMART program and reading to children or working at a food bank. The hospitals and many clinics welcome volunteers. For those who want to donate money there are infinite worthy causes.

People who help others have been studied. Researchers have found that they experience a surge in their endorphins similar to the high that runners experience. Giving to others in need decreases the intensity and awareness of pain, relieves stress, and activates positive emotions. All these things help to improve health. The results of a study done in 2700 men in Michigan found that those men who worked as regular volunteers had a two and a half times lower death rate than those who did not.

Amazing things happen when one goes from being the one who is helped to being the helper. It is nothing short of a miracle. Over and over I see people heal and feel good about themselves and what they are doing. It is easy to get wrapped up in our lives and ourselves, but stepping out of it and realizing that we each have something valuable to give can be good for us as well as others.

Several years ago as the medical reporter for our local news station, I did a television segment on Equine Guided Education also known as horse therapy. This is a type of therapy that uses horses to actually help people.  Horses are very intuitive. They can pick up on our intent and do what we ask if we are very clear. That is where the therapy piece comes in. Many of us are not sure of our intent or how to implement it.  In the session, I started by grooming the horse.  Of course, being the type-A person that I am, I started brushing the horse very quickly and June, who holds a doctorate in education, pointed out the fact that I was rushing and suggested I slow down and experience what I was doing.  Once I did that, it was almost like meditating.  For about 15 minutes I relaxed and found myself completely in the moment.

My next activity was to get into the training ring alone with the horse. With just my intent, I was supposed to get the horse to run around the circle.  At first, I just stood there not knowing what to do. Then, I focused my intent and started running around the circle myself; talking and cajoling the horse to move.  For one, very brief instant we were one.  I completely communicated with the horse and she started to move.  For that short moment in time, it was like an electrical charge between us, and then it was over.

June wisely pointed out to me that although I was able to get the horse to move, I was the one doing all the work.  She asked me if there were any similarities in my life. I had to admit that I have always overdone for others. I overdid for my children, for my patients and for my friends.  This experience occurred over 10 years ago and her words are right there in my ear every time I find myself in that same situation.

I have stopped going overboard for my children and that has been a very good thing. They are empowered and self-sufficient these days. They have problems, they ask for advice, and I am okay with whether they take it or not. I do not go crazy trying to convince them or stop them from making what I see as a potential mistake.

For my patients, I have also improved. I no longer send them audio cards to put on their fridge that say (with my voice) “Step away from the refrigerator!” I have stopped calling them in the morning to remind them to exercise. It never worked and was way too time consuming for me. And, I was doing all the work. If they are going to be successful they need to find the strength within themselves.

Where I still have trouble these days is with my friends. I am not sure why that is. I find myself trying way too hard. I feel like I am back in the ring with that horse again. I bend over backwards to help them medically and emotionally, and when I look back I find the return is fairly small.  I rationalize what I do by convincing myself that I do not need anything in return. But, I am lying to myself.  I do. I need at least a modicum of gratitude and to know that I am making a difference and not being used.  I have a feeling that I am not alone.  Those of us in helping professions have a tendency to bend over backwards for all of those in our lives.

So, today I declare that I am no longer going to cajole, jump up and down, and do all the work. I am slowing down and stopping in that ring.  I will clearly communicate my intent and watch what happens. I am going to try very hard to stay in the moment and remember what I learned from my Equine Guided Education/ horse therapy experience.  It has taken over 10 years, but I think I am finally ready! Thank you June, for all your great lessons.

If you ever have the opportunity to do something like this, I highly recommend it. One session has given me life lessons for now and many years to come.  Horses and horse therapists are simply amazing.

I am addicted to coffee and proud of it. I look forward to the ritual of that morning cup of coffee to start my day. I felt guilty for many years with the thought that maybe it was not such a healthy thing to be drinking. However, as more studies have been done, I feel pretty good about my morning java.

In the early coffee drinking years there was a concern that it caused pancreatic cancer. That is because when the studies were done, they did not control for cigarette smoking and other risk factors for pancreatic cancer. It turns out that coffee drinking and cigarette smoking go together for many and that is how coffee got the bad rap. It was the cigarette smoke and not the coffee that increased the risk for pancreatic cancer.

Now we know that there are actual benefits to coffee drinking. There are many. Here are a few. Read on.

Coffee and the brain

Coffee helps with alertness and the ability to focus. A study done at Pennsylvania State University found that 1 to 2 cups of coffee a day improve concentration and memory.

A study done by the University of South Florida and the University of Miami found that in patients with mild cognitive impairment, those who drank three cups of caffeinated coffee regularly had a slower progression to Alzheimer’s disease by several years. Coffee may prevent dementia altogether.

Several studies have found that those who drink caffeinated coffee have a decreased risk for developing Parkinson’s disease. In addition, a recent study found that those with Parkinson’s disease who were given caffeine (the equivalent of between 2 and 4 cups of coffee a day) had significantly improved movement.

A research study of over 50,000 women found that drinking 4 or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily decreased the incidence of depression by 20% as compared to those who did not drink coffee. A smaller study done in Finland found that men who were frequent coffee drinkers were less likely to commit suicide.

Coffee and cancer prevention

Research has found that women who drank the equivalent of three or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 20% decrease in the risk of developing basal cell cancer. Men had a 9% decreased risk.

Yet another study found that women who drank four or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 25% decreased risk of developing endometrial cancer when compared to women who drank one cup or less daily.

Yet another study found that those who drank four or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 39% decrease in oral cavity cancers.

Coffee and diabetes and heart disease

Several studies have confirmed that those who drink four or more cups of coffee daily have a 50% decreased risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Another study has found that coffee in moderation (described as 2 cups a day) decreased the risk of heart failure by 11%.

Risks

Of course coffee does have some risks. It can precipitate heartburn and gastroesophageal reflux. Some people may get jittery if they overindulge, and it can cause palpitations in others. Adding sugar, syrups and cream can turn coffee into a high calorie drink. The caffeine addiction is real for habitual coffee drinkers and withdrawl can cause a wicked headache. However, overall it is relatively safe.

Conclusion

I am not urging anyone to start drinking coffee, but I would like to ease the guilt of those coffee drinkers who have been worrying about its safety. Drink your coffee but remember (which will be easier for you to do if you drink coffee!) as in all things, moderation is the key.

Each year in the US over 700,000 people suffer a stroke and over 143,000 people die as a result.Three-quarters of those who suffer a stroke are over 65 years old.It is important to know who is at risk and how to recognize the symptoms.A stroke occurs when there is lack of blood flow to the brain.

The risk factors for a stroke are similar to those for a heart attack.These include: smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and a sedentary lifestyle. A family history of stroke, a history of a previous stroke or transient ischemic attack (TIA), increasing age and alcohol abuse can also increase the risk of stroke.

The long term consequences of a stroke can be devastating.That is why it is important to prevent them.You can do this by reducing your risk and modifying your risk factors.Quit smoking, keep your blood pressure and cholesterol down. Eat healthy and exercise.Take folic acid as part of your vitamin regimen.

What are the symptoms and warning signs of a stroke,they include:

* Sudden numbness or weakness of face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
* Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
* Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
* Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
* Sudden severe headache with no known cause

Other danger signs that may occur include double vision, drowsiness, and nausea or vomiting. Sometimes the warning signs may last only a few moments and then disappear. These brief episodes, known as transient ischemic attacks or TIAs, are sometimes called “mini-strokes.” Since they may clear quickly, many people ignore them but that is a mistake. Many people with a TIA have a stoke within 48 hours.

If you think you are having a stroke call 911. Time is of the essence. It is possible in some cases to reverse the damage of a stroke if you are treated within hours of having symptoms.

Find out more about stroke in our book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife and Beyond”.